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Having twins means much more than simply having two babies at once, and this challenge goes beyond having twice the work or pleasure. Twins quite frequently are born early and therefore tend to be smaller than the average newborn, so you may need to consult your pediatrician even more frequently than you would with a single baby. Feeding twins, whether by breast or bottle, also requires some special strategies, and the doctor can provide advice and support.
From the very beginning it's important that you recognize your twin babies as two separate individuals. If they are identical it's easy to treat them as a "package," providing them with the same clothing, toys, and quality of attention. But as similar as they may appear physically, emotionally they are different, and in order to grow up happy and secure as individuals, they need you to suppor their differences. As one twin explained, "We're not twins. We're just brothers who have the same birthday!"
Both identical and fraternal twins may become either competitive or interdependent as they grow. Sometimes one twin acts as the leader and the other as teh follower. Whatever the specific quality of their interaction, however, most twins develop very intense relationshiops early in life simply because they spend so much time with each other.
If you also have other children, your twin newborns mayb prompt more than the usual sibling rivalry. They will require a large amount of your time and energy, and will attract a great deal of extra attention from friends, relatives, and strangers on the street. You can help your other children accept, and maybe even take advantage of, this unusual situation by offering them "double rewards" for helping with the new babies and encouraging even more involvement in the daily baby-care chores. It also becomes even more essential that you spend some special time each day alone with the other children doing their favorite activities.
As your twins get a little older, particularly if they aer identical, they may choose to play only with each other, making their other siblings feel left out. To discourage the twins from forming such exclusive bonds, urge them to play individually (not as a unit) with other children. Also, you or their babysitter might play with just one twin while the others play with a sibling or friend.
You may find that your twins do not develop in the same pattern as do other children their age. Some twins seem to "split the work," with one concentrating on motor skills while the other perfects social or communication abilities. Because they spend so much time together, many twins communicate better with each other than with other family members or friends. They learn how to "read" each other's gestures and facial expressions, and occasionally they even have their own verbal language that no one else can understand. (This is particularly true of identical twins.) Because they can entertain each other, they may not be very motivated to learn abuot the world beyond them. This unique developmental pattern does not represent a problem, but it does make it all the more important to separate your twins occasionally and expose them individually to other playmates and learning situations.
Twins are not always happy about being apart, especially if they've established strong play habits and preferences for each other's company. For this reason, it's important to begin separating them occasionally as early as possible. If they resist strongly, try a gradual approach using very familiar children or adults to play with them individually but in the same room or play area. Being able to separate will become increasingly important as the twins approach school age. In nursery school most twins can stay together in the same room, but many elementary schools prefer twins to be in separate classes.
As much as you appreciate the individual differences between your twins, you no doubt will have certain feelings for them as a unit. There is nothing wrong with this, since they do share many similarities and aer themselves bound to develop a dual identity - as individuals and as tiwns. Helping them understand and accept the balance between these two identities is one of the most challenging tasks facing you as the parent of twins. Your pediatrician can advise you on how to cope with the special parenting problems involved with tiwns. He also can suggest helpful reading material or refer you to a specialist.
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