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Family Issues: Single-Parent Families - Article 5 of 9

Source: "Caring For Your Baby & Young Child...Birth To Age 5"
by Steven Shelov and Robert Hannemann, pp. 580-582.

Posted: July 30, 2008

Single-parent families are becoming more common. Most children of divorce spend at least some years in single-parent households. Another increasingly large group of children live with single parents woh were never married. A smaller number of children have widowed parents.

From a parent's viewpoint, there are some benefits to being single. You can raise the child according to your own beliefs, principles, and rules, with no need for conflict or resolving differences. Single parents often develop closer bonds with their children. When the father is the single parent, he may become more nurturing and more active in his child's daily life than most fathers in two-parent households. Children in single-parent households may become more independent and mature because they have more responsibility within the family.

Single parenthood isn't easy, though, for parents or children. It generally means less income and a lower standard of living. If you can't arrange or afford child care, getting and holding a job may be difficult. Without another person to share the day-in, day-out job of raising the child and maintaining the household, you may find yourself socially isolated. WHen you are under stress, the child may sense and share this stress. You can eaisly become too tired and distracted to be asa emotionally supportive or consistent about rules and discipline as you would like to be. This can lead to distress and behavior problems for the child. Lack of a same-sex parent can sometimes ad to problems by limiting exposure to a potential role model.

Here are some suggestions that may help you meet your own emotional needs while providing your child with the guidance she needs:

• Take advantage of all available resources in finding help in caring for your child.
• Maintain your sense of humor as much as possible. Try to see the positive or humorous side of everyday surpises and challenges.
• For your family's sake as well as your own, take care of yourself. See your doctor regularly, eat properly, and get enough rest, exercise, and sleep.
• Set a regular time when you can take a break without your child. Relax with friends. Go to a movie. Pursue hobbies. Join groups. Do things that interest you. Pursue a social life of your own.

• Don't feel guilty because your child has only one parent. There are plenty of families in the same situation. You didn't "do it to her," and you don't need to penalize yourself or spoil her to make amends. Feeling and acting guilty won't help anyone.
• Don't look for problems where none exist. Many children grow up very well in single-parent homes, while others have a great many problems in two-parent homes. Being a single parent doesn't necessarily mean you'll have more problems or have more trouble resolving them.
• Set firm but reasonable limits for your children, and don't hesitate to enforce them. Children feel more secure and develop responsible behavior better when limits are clear and consistent. Expand these limits as the child demonstrates the ability to accept increased responsibility.
• Find some time each day with your child - playing, talking, reading, helping with homework, or watching television.
• Praise your child often, showing genuine affection and unconditional, positive support.
• Create as large a support network for yourself as possible. Keep active lists of relatives, friends, and community services that can help with child care. Establish friendships with other families who will let you know of community opportunities (soccer, cultural events, etc.) and are willing to exchange babysitting.

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