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If you are about to adopt or have just adopted a child, you are likely to be experiencing conflicting emotions: Along with the excitement and delight, you understandably will feel some anxiety and apprehension. It's no different with couples who bear a child themselves, except that nature gives them nine months of preparation.
Having an understanding and supportive pediatrician will be very helpful as you begin your new job as a parent. Even before the child actually comes to your home, the doctor can help you understand your feelings. If you are adopting a child from overseas, the pediatrician will be able to alert you to special medical issues that may arise.
Once your child is home with you, a visit to the pediatrician should be scheduled as soon as possible to make sure there are no existing medical problems. Future examinations should be scheduled as required by the child's age and medical needs, but several special counselling visits should be made during the first year to help you deal with the special concerns that may arise as you and your child start to develop a relationship. Adoptive parents must face several issues and questions that natural parents do not encounter. They include the following:
Your child should learn the truth as early as she is able to understand., which probably will be between ages two and four. It's important to adjust the information to her maturity level, so that she can make sense of it. For example, "Your parents loved you very much, but they knew they could not take care of you. So they looked for someone who also loved little children, but could not have them on their own." As she gets older and asks more questions, give her honest answers, but do not press information on her if she seems uncomfortable or fearful about it.
Adopted children have no more or different problems than any other child of the same age and background. However, if you adopt an older child, you will need to learn as much as possible about her background, so you can provide the special support and understanding she requires.
If you are asked, answer teh question honestly and straightforwardly. Do not belabor the point or go into extensive detail if your child is nearby, however, as that may make her uncomfortable.
Allow your child to discuss her feelings and desires, and tell her that you will help her locate them if she still wishes to do so when she is older. Don't push her into searching for them, and don't discourage her from doing so if it;s important to her. As she gets older, explain any special circumstances, such as state guidelines or specific requests by the biological parents to not be identified, so she'll know how difficult it may be to trace them.
Your pediatrician may be able to help you with more detailed answers to these and other questions that arise in adoptive families.
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